Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
