I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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