Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm getting married
To pizza
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
