It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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