my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
