11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sponge bath it is.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
