They should really pass out barf bags in church
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
