I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
