Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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