idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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