Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
