the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
