conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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