The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
