at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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