my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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