did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
