I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
