Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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