dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
