The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
