you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
