Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dignity is for republicans.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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