Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
