my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
