You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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