New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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