dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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