I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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