Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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