Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
