I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
