She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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