Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
