I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
