NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
