Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
