i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
