I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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