wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
