He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The Olympian is in my bed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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