grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
