based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
