i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
