Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
