Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
