worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
