dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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