I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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