this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
